Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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