Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Be still, my beating vagina.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
We have so much sex to catch up on
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
