I'm eating all of the evidence.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
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