You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
