I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
