So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You are a genius and a whore.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
