I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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