That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
