Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
