Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
