after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
