she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
