I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
