I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
We had to coat check the pizza.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize