His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
