I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I don't deserve a penis
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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