So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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