I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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