pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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