Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Randomize
