OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
