Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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