so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize