i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
