I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
