I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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