So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
