I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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