have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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