It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
