Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
