If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
