So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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