This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
