i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
