I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
