Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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