apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Randomize
