is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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