She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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