how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
