Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
