highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
