oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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