Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Randomize
