With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Drunk is not a location!
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
