She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
