did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize