Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
