I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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