The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
