Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
