You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
