i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize