Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
