you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I looked at my own cervix.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Randomize
