Sponge bath it is.
You can't motorboat a personality
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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