She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
