I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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