i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
