I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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