I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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