$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
