Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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