You can't special order awesome
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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