.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
