Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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