How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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