I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
