Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
