some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
