FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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