Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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