she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
