Where are you?
In a non slutty way
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
