physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
